Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

[shuttle]

Tomorrow, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy is.

[karena]

[shuttle]

A terroist has died whilst training to be a skydiver, the Terrorist School of Diving said they had no idea why his snorkel & flippers didn't open.

[David Edwards]

Men...contrary to womens belief can focus on two things at once, boobs are proof of that,lol .

[David Edwards]

My mate got home from work and found his missus had left him and buggered off with the sat tv dish and his bob marley collection, poor man..no woman..no sky.

[brorabongo]

A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One got transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him. A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?" The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 a.m. He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and, playing right-handed, beat all three of them with an eye-opening two-under-par round. She was fun and a pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but each man harboured a burning desire to beat her. The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady again played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them. The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge. Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth.
When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude.
From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."
The guys thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up?"

She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

[shuttle]

I quit drinking alcohol the other day, as my hands were starting to shake every time I lit my crack pipe !!!!!!!!!!!

[Bob]

You've got a pipe where?

[shuttle]

‎"Bloody hell love!" I said, fanning my mouth, "How many chilli's did you put in this?"

"Only four," she replied, "I thought you liked your food spicy,"

"I do," I said, "Just didn't expect it in the custard "

[bongodonkey]

a good giggle!

[Bob]

[Muzorewa]

[David Edwards]

The chinese girl is ready for another gold in the swimming, chi ting twat has said she hopes to do well.

[David Edwards]

OLYMPIC UPDATE... So far the Romanians have taken, gold, silver, bronze and also lead copper and tin and anything else they can get their thieving gippo hands on.

[shuttle]

More sailing results are in, Britain have taken gold, the USA have taken silver and Somalia have taken a middle-aged couple from Weymouth.