Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

[shuttle]

What a day,had to phone the paramedics,in most cases they arrive in a rapid response 4x4 or an ambulance or even a motor or push bike mine arrived after 4 hours and the only excuse Malcolm could give was that he missed his bus.

[Bob]

Did he have a Kojak style magnetic blue light for the driver?

[shuttle]

Lost out in the final of the Pub Quiz tonight
Final question "where do women have the curliest hair"?
Turns out the answer is "Jamaica"

[shuttle]

I was at the swimming baths earlier this morning and decided to have a sneaky pee in the the deep end.The lifeguard must have seen me and blew his whistle that loud I nearly fell in.

[stefan442]

hehe

Http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G ... /moses.jpg

[francophile1947]

The pilot and the blonde

This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater aeroplane with just the pilot.

The pilot has a heart attack and dies..

The blonde frantically calls a May Day: "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me!

My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly.
Help me! Please help me!"

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it.
I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"OK," says the voice from the tower.

"Repeat after me - Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . ."

[shuttle]

The pilot and the blonde

This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater aeroplane with just the pilot.

The pilot has a heart attack and dies..

The blonde frantically calls a May Day: "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me!

My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly.
Help me! Please help me!"

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it.
I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"OK," says the voice from the tower.

"Repeat after me - Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . ."

Very good,made me chuckle.

[alant54]

She must be from Essex.....

[shuttle]

Stayed at a top notch hotel the other night.Went for a shower, and some idiot had put the back scrubbing brush right beside the toilet bowl,how unhygenic is that.

[helen&tony]

Hi
That's the same one I stayed at!!!!!...however, I thought it was the toothbrush...and that bottle of whitener shone the old dentures up a treat
Cheers
Helen

[shuttle]

BREAKING NEWS Wayne Rooney is suing Tescos for using his signature on their hot cross buns.

[Nick65]

[maxheadroom]

[shuttle]

Had to knock on a guys house today and tell him my Cats just killed his dog. Impossible he said, my dog is a 90lb pit bull terrier,how did it happen.I explained that I put my bulldozer in reverse and didn't see it.

[shuttle]

Took a loan out with that PAY DAY LOANS as advertised on tv as they have a 25% discount.Took a loan for £1,000 and it went straight into my bank account.I then sent them a cheque for £750.00 ,how good a deal is that.