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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 8:39 pm
by mikeonb4c
Seems to be a bit of an evening for them:

While golfing, a senior gentleman accidentally overturned his golf cart late one afternoon. A very attractive, young, female golfer, who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you OK?"

"I’m OK, thanks," he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart.

She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I’ll help you get the cart up later."

The old guy noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure. "That’s mighty nice of you," he answered, "but I don’t think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on now!" she insisted.

She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive. He was weak. "Well, OK," he finally agreed.

After a couple of Scotch and sodas, he thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I’d better go now.”

"Don’t be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall
slightly more open. "Stay for a while. Your wife won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?"

He replied, "Still under the cart, I suppose."

Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:44 pm
by Bob
Ahh... golf.

Two chaps playing when a funeral procession passes by on the road.

One chap removes his hat and bows his head, pal says, "That's really kind, showing your respect".

First fellow says, "Its the very least I can do, we were married for 40 years".

Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:54 pm
by mikeonb4c
Guffaw guffaw oooh you are a card Bob :lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2017 12:05 am
by Bob
And the 'Environmentally Friendly' chap's been marooned on a desert island for five years.

One day a stunning blonde swims ashore and undoing a small pocket on the sleeve of her wetsuit asks if he'd like a wiskey.

Of course he says, "Yes, please", not having had a drink in all that time.

She then opens a small pocket on the other sleeve and asks if he would enjoy a smoke, same reply.

She then starts to undo the zip on the front of her jacket and asks if he would like to, "Play around".

Chap says, "Wow, you've never got a set of golf clubs in there?"

Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2017 9:31 am
by mikeonb4c
Woo hoo ha ha you got the job bob. Summer season at Club Bongo =D> :lol:

Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2017 9:49 am
by Ian
Three blokes are playing golf when one of them excuses himself and walks off talking to the top of his driver. When he gets back on the fairway his colleagues ask him what he was doing. "Oh that" he says, "is the latest in mobile phone technology. The microphone is built in to the shaft".

They are suitably impressed.

A few minutes later there is a loud purring noise and the second golfer reaches in his bag, pulls out a brolly, extends it, and walks off. When he returns he explains that it may look like an umbrella, but it was actually a satellite phone that allows him to keep in touch with his world-wide businesses while he is out on the course.

The other two are suitably impressed.

Approaching the next green the third golfer suddenly says "Will you excuse me a minute......" and wanders off in to the bushes. After 10 minutes they wonder if he is going to play his shot, and go looking for him. They find him bent over with his trousers by his ankles, and clutching some paper. They apologise and start to edge away, but he shouts after them: "It's OK, I'm not having a dump, I'm expecting a fax".

Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2017 9:59 am
by Bongolia
One liners from the dear departed and one anon.


A guy walks into a pub..
Should have gone to Specsavers

He said so why do they call you Ali?
He answered cos I am in between houses

The pub was so rough they had a pig on the counter as an air freshener..

I went to the doctors I said doctor my hairs falling out can you give me something to keep it in?
He gave me an OXO tin.

Mother in law came round last night
so I hit the again.

Wife said can mum come down for the weekend?
Why?
Cos she`s been on the roof for a week.

Red sky at night, shepherd’s 
delight. Blue sky at night, day.

Corbett Monkhouse Dawson Manning

Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:23 pm
by al & chris
Just wanted to let everyone know that I have been admitted into hospital and they are keeping me in.
I have only gone and poisoned myself. What I thought was an onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb. They said I should be out sometime in the spring.