Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Talk about non-Bongo stuff. BUT KEEP IT CLEAN....there are children watching. Smut, filth, and anything offensive will not be tolerated and removed immediately.

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francophile1947
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by francophile1947 » Sat Nov 02, 2013 11:08 pm

John
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mellon man
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by mellon man » Mon Nov 04, 2013 7:08 pm

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wong's have new baby.

The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, But definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.


'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,

'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...

Are you ready for this?





Scroll down..............................







Scroll down................................






Sum Ting Wong



I know you laughed
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by Gasy » Tue Nov 05, 2013 8:49 pm

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'


'So I just switched the heads.'






(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by David Edwards » Wed Nov 06, 2013 8:45 pm

We have a new puppy, he is black and brown with a small white patch, we might call him Bradford.
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by scanner » Sat Nov 09, 2013 9:23 pm

Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by helen&tony » Tue Nov 19, 2013 4:40 pm

Hi
An oldie, but I still laugh :

I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.'

Well I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it.

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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by g8dhe » Wed Nov 20, 2013 4:27 pm

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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by g8dhe » Wed Nov 20, 2013 4:34 pm

Made us smile!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tony and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because Tony watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on yet another holiday and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

Tony asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
Tony looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth..
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled Tony..
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to Tony. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
Tony looked around and glanced nervously at Yvonne.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.
This is Heaven!'

'No gym to work out at?' said Tony
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

Tony glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your bloody Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by Gasy » Sat Dec 07, 2013 6:20 pm

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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by Gasy » Sat Dec 07, 2013 6:24 pm

I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night.

I snuck up behind an older lady, started taking her from behind

then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spit roast,

getting a blowjob, was my dad.

I said, " After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."

He said, " I'm not."
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by Gasy » Sun Dec 22, 2013 3:57 pm

My Korean girlfriend just made me a pie from Scratch.












I'm gutted, I loved that dog !!
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by Gasy » Wed Dec 25, 2013 6:00 pm

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”. The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”. Jason was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies Jason, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”. “Never” replies Jason. “Well just relax and let it happen”. And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by Gasy » Wed Dec 25, 2013 6:47 pm

I bought my Grandad some strong aftershave and a new lighter for Christmas,

I can't wait to see his face light up
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by Gasy » Wed Dec 25, 2013 7:05 pm

A couple were Christmas shopping.
The shopping centre was packed - as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.#
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?
" The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :

Post by Gasy » Wed Dec 25, 2013 7:10 pm

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