Bongo Fury

That's handy, did you manage to point the finger at anyone.

My wife and daughter said they are leaving me because I am obsessed with horse racing,
just looked out of window "and the're off".

no good they teach swimming at Eton saw a duckumentary about it.

The first paramedics to arrive at the Beverly Hills Hilton were heard to say "Houston, we have a problem!"

somebody threw a pound coin on the pitch at Ibrox today, police said it was not a missile but a takeover bid.

Hi
True???

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman

2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman

2 American men and 1 American woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred. ..

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman endlessly complains about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her ass look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and setup a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

Cheers
Helen

Sat next to a young pregnant girl on the bus today when all of a sudden she burst into tears.
I asked what's wrong and she said she was pregnant and the boyfriend says it is not his.
I said to cheer you up I will tell you a joke,go ahead she said,
Knock Knock
Who's there
Jeremy Kyle your on next !!!!

one day you will post something deadly serious and i will be loooking for the punchline.

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a beautiful woman about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked... "Well, before you jump why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... And it was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........".

The authorities think she may have been pushed.

Did you know that Americans have the smallest penises,Europeans have the next smallest
but Icelantic men have the largest
So thats why mums go to Iceland!!!

I am not saying the girl nextdoor is a slag,but even the label in her knickers say
NEXT

The wifes knickers have a label that says NEXT.

If you go down to Ibrox today, your sure of a big surpise.....
If you go down to Ibrox today, you'll never believe your eyes.....
Cause Super Ally has no cash.....
Soon no where to sign the sash.....
Cause todays the day the Teddy bears have their pitch nicked.

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Apparently things are so bad at Rangers that they have to decide who kicks off at home games by doing scissors, paper, stone.
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The world is in a state of shock with one word in people's mouth "Whitney"............Yes thats right........."Whitnae Rangers?"
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RIP Frank Carson, Early reports suggest that he may have choked on a unspecified food item......Some suspect it's a CRACKER!!

brorabongo wrote: The wifes knickers have a label that says NEXT.

My wife's say C & A