Bongo Fury

The guy that shoved a shaving foam "pie" in Murdoch's face has got off on appeal.

He applied for and got a re-trial on the basis that what he did was "Justifiable Foamicide"

Woman asks her husband to go to the shop for a pint of milk, then adds, " oh and if they have eggs get six" off he goes and comes back 10 mins later with 6 pints of milk, she looks at him and say " why the hell did you buy six pints of milk",, he looks at her and says " well they had eggs". think about it,logic at its
best,lo.

My wife is (was) an attendant on the big wheel at the local shows, but she's just been given the sack through no fault of her own.

She's thinking of taking them to court for funfair dismissal.


(IGMC)

I mixed up my liquid viagra with a bottle of tippex the other night, woke in the morning with a huge correction.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the cash deck, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'

The boy turns, and whispers back,

'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

Eskimo boy goes into their Igloo and asks his Mother "What's for dinner?"

"It's Vera Lynn" says his Mum.

"Oh no!" he thinks "not whale meat again".

Of course I won't laugh,'' said the nurse. ''I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'' ''Okay then,'' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing ... the tiniest penis the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than an AAA battery. Unable to control herself, ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. ''I am so sorry,'' she said. ''I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'' …''It's swollen,'' Fred replied. She ran out of the room!

A scotsman, Englishman and an Irish man walk into a bar....the Welshman is still in New Zealand.

The kid next door was running round the garden waving a pretend wand and shouting out spells. "I bet you really want to be like Harry Potter, don't you?" I asked him. "Yeah!" he shouted excitedly. So I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

Good news for men - UNDERSTANDING WOMEN, now out in paperback

Volume I

Man goes into a bar and asks for a whisky and lemonade

"Certainly sir, what kind would you like?

"Ermmm, I'll have Schweppes.............."

dandywarhol wrote:Man goes into a bar and asks for a whisky and lemonade

"Certainly sir, what kind would you like?

"Ermmm, I'll have Schweppes.............."

??
If you are adding whisky to lemonade surely it is only the quality of the lemonade that counts - the quality of the whisky has already gone out of the window.

For weeks I have been waiting for a famous celebrity to die so I can make a silly joke..now..Jim has fixed it for me...rip jim.