Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)
Moderator: Bob
Horse Racing
My wife and daughter said they are leaving me because I am obsessed with horse racing,
just looked out of window "and the're off".
just looked out of window "and the're off".
Re: Big Ben Bungee Jump
no good they teach swimming at Eton saw a duckumentary about it.
- dandywarhol
- Supreme Being
- Posts: 5446
- Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:18 pm
- Location: Edinburgh
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
The first paramedics to arrive at the Beverly Hills Hilton were heard to say "Houston, we have a problem!"
Whale oil beef hooked
Renault Lunar Telstar
Yamaha TD1C 250, Merc SLK200, KTM Duke 690
Renault Lunar Telstar
Yamaha TD1C 250, Merc SLK200, KTM Duke 690
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- Supreme Being
- Posts: 4100
- Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 6:37 pm
- Location: Aberdare south wales
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
somebody threw a pound coin on the pitch at Ibrox today, police said it was not a missile but a takeover bid.
- helen&tony
- Supreme Being
- Posts: 9869
- Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2004 12:49 pm
- Location: Bulgaria
An element of truth in it?
Hi
True???
On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred. ..
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman endlessly complains about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her ass look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and setup a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
Cheers
Helen
True???
On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred. ..
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman endlessly complains about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her ass look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and setup a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
Cheers
Helen
In the beginning there was nothing , then God said "Let there be Light".....There was still nothing , but ,by crikey, you could see it better.
Bus trip
Sat next to a young pregnant girl on the bus today when all of a sudden she burst into tears.
I asked what's wrong and she said she was pregnant and the boyfriend says it is not his.
I said to cheer you up I will tell you a joke,go ahead she said,
Knock Knock
Who's there
Jeremy Kyle your on next !!!!
I asked what's wrong and she said she was pregnant and the boyfriend says it is not his.
I said to cheer you up I will tell you a joke,go ahead she said,
Knock Knock
Who's there
Jeremy Kyle your on next !!!!
Re: Bus trip
one day you will post something deadly serious and i will be loooking for the punchline.
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- Supreme Being
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 6:15 pm
- Location: Norwich
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a beautiful woman about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked... "Well, before you jump why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... And it was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........".
The authorities think she may have been pushed.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked... "Well, before you jump why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... And it was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........".
The authorities think she may have been pushed.
John
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
Mens appendage
Did you know that Americans have the smallest penises,Europeans have the next smallest
but Icelantic men have the largest
So thats why mums go to Iceland!!!
but Icelantic men have the largest
So thats why mums go to Iceland!!!
Next door neighbour
I am not saying the girl nextdoor is a slag,but even the label in her knickers say
NEXT
NEXT
- brorabongo
- Supreme Being
- Posts: 3226
- Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 5:56 pm
- Location: Brora, Sutherland
Re: Next door neighbour
The wifes knickers have a label that says NEXT.
- brorabongo
- Supreme Being
- Posts: 3226
- Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 5:56 pm
- Location: Brora, Sutherland
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
If you go down to Ibrox today, your sure of a big surpise.....
If you go down to Ibrox today, you'll never believe your eyes.....
Cause Super Ally has no cash.....
Soon no where to sign the sash.....
Cause todays the day the Teddy bears have their pitch nicked.
===============================================================================
Apparently things are so bad at Rangers that they have to decide who kicks off at home games by doing scissors, paper, stone.
===============================================================================
The world is in a state of shock with one word in people's mouth "Whitney"............Yes thats right........."Whitnae Rangers?"
===============================================================================
RIP Frank Carson, Early reports suggest that he may have choked on a unspecified food item......Some suspect it's a CRACKER!!
If you go down to Ibrox today, you'll never believe your eyes.....
Cause Super Ally has no cash.....
Soon no where to sign the sash.....
Cause todays the day the Teddy bears have their pitch nicked.
===============================================================================
Apparently things are so bad at Rangers that they have to decide who kicks off at home games by doing scissors, paper, stone.
===============================================================================
The world is in a state of shock with one word in people's mouth "Whitney"............Yes thats right........."Whitnae Rangers?"
===============================================================================
RIP Frank Carson, Early reports suggest that he may have choked on a unspecified food item......Some suspect it's a CRACKER!!
- dandywarhol
- Supreme Being
- Posts: 5446
- Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:18 pm
- Location: Edinburgh
Re: Next door neighbour
My wife's say C & Abrorabongo wrote: The wifes knickers have a label that says NEXT.
Whale oil beef hooked
Renault Lunar Telstar
Yamaha TD1C 250, Merc SLK200, KTM Duke 690
Renault Lunar Telstar
Yamaha TD1C 250, Merc SLK200, KTM Duke 690