Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

Talk about non-Bongo stuff. BUT KEEP IT CLEAN....there are children watching. Smut, filth, and anything offensive will not be tolerated and removed immediately.

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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by scanner » Mon Aug 08, 2011 4:11 pm

The guy that shoved a shaving foam "pie" in Murdoch's face has got off on appeal.

He applied for and got a re-trial on the basis that what he did was "Justifiable Foamicide"
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by David Edwards » Sat Aug 27, 2011 11:15 am

Woman asks her husband to go to the shop for a pint of milk, then adds, " oh and if they have eggs get six" off he goes and comes back 10 mins later with 6 pints of milk, she looks at him and say " why the hell did you buy six pints of milk",, he looks at her and says " well they had eggs". think about it,logic at its
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by dave_aber » Sat Aug 27, 2011 11:44 am

My wife is (was) an attendant on the big wheel at the local shows, but she's just been given the sack through no fault of her own.

She's thinking of taking them to court for funfair dismissal.


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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by David Edwards » Sun Aug 28, 2011 10:45 pm

I mixed up my liquid viagra with a bottle of tippex the other night, woke in the morning with a huge correction. :D
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by scanner » Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:42 pm

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the cash deck, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'

The boy turns, and whispers back,

'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by scanner » Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:04 am

Eskimo boy goes into their Igloo and asks his Mother "What's for dinner?"

"It's Vera Lynn" says his Mum.

"Oh no!" he thinks "not whale meat again".
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by nealswheels » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:36 am

Of course I won't laugh,'' said the nurse. ''I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'' ''Okay then,'' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing ... the tiniest penis the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than an AAA battery. Unable to control herself, ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. ''I am so sorry,'' she said. ''I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'' …''It's swollen,'' Fred replied. She ran out of the room!
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by David Edwards » Tue Oct 11, 2011 10:49 pm

A scotsman, Englishman and an Irish man walk into a bar....the Welshman is still in New Zealand. :D
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by missfixit70 » Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:01 am

The kid next door was running round the garden waving a pretend wand and shouting out spells. "I bet you really want to be like Harry Potter, don't you?" I asked him. "Yeah!" he shouted excitedly. So I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by daveblueozzie » Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:07 pm

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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by francophile1947 » Thu Oct 27, 2011 8:51 pm

Good news for men - UNDERSTANDING WOMEN, now out in paperback

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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by Bob » Thu Oct 27, 2011 9:45 pm

Volume I :?:
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by dandywarhol » Thu Oct 27, 2011 11:15 pm

Man goes into a bar and asks for a whisky and lemonade

"Certainly sir, what kind would you like?

"Ermmm, I'll have Schweppes.............."
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by scanner » Fri Oct 28, 2011 9:57 am

dandywarhol wrote:Man goes into a bar and asks for a whisky and lemonade

"Certainly sir, what kind would you like?

"Ermmm, I'll have Schweppes.............."
?? :?
If you are adding whisky to lemonade surely it is only the quality of the lemonade that counts - the quality of the whisky has already gone out of the window. :wink:
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!

Post by David Edwards » Sat Oct 29, 2011 8:33 pm

For weeks I have been waiting for a famous celebrity to die so I can make a silly joke..now..Jim has fixed it for me...rip jim.
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